PEE-WEE'S PLAYHOUSE:
The Special Edition (Ha-Ha!)
Presented by Bob Miller

*Chugga chugga chugga VIP VIP VIP* R-R-R-R-R-R-Ready to ass-IST you, P-P-PEE-weee.*

Good morning, Conky. What's today's Secret Word?

*Bzzzzt*

Today's Secret Word is . . . ROBOTECH. Ha-ha! Heheheheh. Now everybody knows what to do whenever we hear the Secret Word, right? You scream real loud. That's right! For the rest of the day, whenever anybody says the Secret Word, scream real loud. Ready? Let's try it. Hey, Pterry, what's your favorite TV show?

"Why Pee-wee, are you talking about Robotech?"

AAAAUUGGGHHHH!!! ***DING! DING! DING!*** Wrong, Pterry, your favorite show's supposed to be Pee-wee's Playhouse.

"Sorry, Pee-wee."

That's okay, Pterry. Just don't let it happen again or you can't play with me anymore.

"Knock-knock."

It's Mister Knucklehead!

"Knock-knock."

Who's there?

"Banana."

Banana who?

"Knock-knock."

Who's there?

"Banana."

Banana who?

"Knock-knock."

WHO'S THERE????!!!

"Orange."

Orange? Orange who?

"Orange you glad I didn't say 'banana' again? Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha."

Gee, Knucklehead, that joke's so old I forgot to laugh. I think I'll go feed my fish. . . . Hello, fish. What's new?

*Garglegarglegarglegarglegargle*

What's that?

*Garglegarglegarglegarglegargle*

I'm sorry, I can't understand a word you're saying.

*Garglegarglegarglegarglegargle*

What's the matter, fish? You look a little blue behind the gills. Ha-ha!

*Garglegarglegargle . . . hukkkkk*

I was only kidding. Fish? Fish? . . . Why are you floating like that? Speak to me! . . . Oh, no! Something's happened to my fish!

"Eh, stop yer whining, Pee-wee."

Randy! What happened to my fish?

"Looks like they ate a little rat poison to me."

Poison?! Randy. You didn't poison my fish, did you?

"Maybe I did and maybe I didn't. So?"

So? Randy, they were my favorite fish!

"Eh, they were just a couple of mouths ta feed. See ya later, Pea-brain."

Randy! Come back here. Randy!

***POP GOES THE WEASEL***

"It's the doorbell, Pee-wee."

Duh, Chairry. I'LL GET IT! I'LL GET IT!

***WHAM!***

"You got it, Pee-wee."

All right, who put this banana peel on the floor?

"He-he-he-he-he-he."

Randy! You little mannikin. Come back down here before I get angry!

"Hi, Pee-wee. What are you doing on the floor?"

I slipped on a banana peel, Mrs. Steve.

"That was smart. Hey listen, you got any popcorn I can borrow? My second favorite TV show is coming on in a few minutes and I gotta eat something while I watch."

What show is that, Mrs. Steve?

"Robotech."

AAAAAUUUGGGHHHH! ***DING! DING! DING!***

"And what's the matter with Robotech?"

AAAAAUUUGGGHHHH! ***DING! DING! DING!***

Nothing, Mrs. Steve. It's just that you said the Secret Word.

"Oh, is that all?"

Yeah. Who's your favorite character?

"Captain Gloval. He's such a hunk. *Sigh* I just love his mustache. And I think the girls are so cute."

I know what you mean. Lynn Minmei reminds me a lot of my sister.

"Enough chit-chat. Where's the popcorn?"

It's in the refrigerator. Help yourself.

"You keep popcorn in the refrigerator?"

Sure I do. Doesn't everybody?

"Not me. I eat it as fast as I make it. . . . Hey, Pee-wee, did you know you've got vegetables dancing in here?"

Yeah, isn't it great? Ha-ha! What are they dancing?

"Looks like the mambo. Uh, I don't think I can eat popcorn dancing the mambo."

Popcorn isn't a vegetable, Mrs. Steve. I put it in that plastic bag over there. See? It's all dead. Standards and Practices wouldn't let you eat dancing food, anyway.

"Good. I'll eat any kind of food as long as it's safe. Well, thanks for the popcorn, Pee-wee. Toodle-oo."

'Bye, Mrs. Steve. Don't eat too much chloresterol!

***squeaksqueaksqueaksqueak***

It's Magic Screen!

"Hi, Pee-wee. Are you ready to play with me?"

I'm ready to play whenever you are. Ha-ha! But gee, Magic Screen, you shouldn't ought to talk through your nose like that.

"But Pee-wee, I don't have a nose."

Oh, that's right. Ha-ha! Heheheheheh. Let's play connect the dots! Go for it, Magic Screen. . . . Connect the dots, la la la-la; connect the dots, la la la-la. Ha-ha! Heheheheh. Gee, Magic Screen, that looks too complicated to me. What is it?

"It's an F-16 fighter, Pee-wee."

It is? Oh boy! I'm an F-16 fighter pilot. Ha-ha! Okay, Magic Screen, take-off! Off we go into the wild blue yonder. Look at me, everybody. I'm flying, I'm flying! There's Mr. Kite. Mr. Kite, watch out! . . . Oh dear, he got caught in my exhaust and I burned a hole in him. Stupid kite. He oughta be more careful next time. Oh look, I'm flying over a forest. Hi, trees! And look at the mushrooms down there. It's the Smurf's village! Ha-ha! Activate weapons systems. Lock all missiles on target. Bombs away!


Ha-ha! Heheheheheh. Bomb the Smurfs, la la la-la; bomb the Smurfs, la la la-la. Look, there's Papa Smurf. Bye, Papa Smurf. Boooom! Ha-ha-ha-ha! Heheheheheh. Hey, this is fun!

"Pee-wee! CBS Standards and Practices says it's wrong to drop bombs on people."

That's okay, Magic Screen. The Smurfs are on another network. Ha-ha.

"Oh, no! Pee-wee! Pee-wee! I can't get you out of my screen!"

What's the matter?

"The special effects generator is stuck. I can't get you out."

You mean I'm trapped in here??? Ooooh, NOOO! Help! Help! Get me out of here. Get me out, quick!

*BEEEP* C-C-C-Conky TO the r-r-r-RES-cue P-P-P-PEE-weeee.*

Hurry, Conky! I'm trapped inside Magic Screen! Do something!

*B-B-B-Be right there, P-P-P-Pee-WEEEEE.*

"Conky, wait! What are you doing with that axe?"

It's okay, Magic Screen. He's just going to smash you so I can get out.

"No, Conky, don't! AAaaaaaa--"

***WHACK! WHACK! CRASH! Tinkle***

Gee, thanks, Conky. You saved my life.

*D-D-D-Don't mention it, PEE-weeeee. *VIP VIP VIP*

Okay. But you really should stop stuttering like that. It makes you sound like Porky Pig.

*B-B-B-But I'm a THOU-sand times s-s-smarter than HE is.*

Yeah! Smarter than the average pig. Ha-ha! Boy, I'm hungry. Let's make a snack. La la la. Today we're going to make mushroom soup. Mmmmm, doesn't that sound yummy? I got these mushrooms from the Smurfs' village. That one used to be Papa Smurf's house. Heheheheheh. Now, I'm going to chop them up and then put them in the pot so you might want to ask your mom and dad to help. Ha-ha. Now, while we're waiting for the water to boil let's watch an exciting commercial message.

"Pee-wee's Playhouse will be back after these messages."

INSERT COMMERCIAL MESSAGE

On to part two

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